You have been wounded in more than one relationship in your life. Some are by strangers, some by friends, and some have been by family. The closer the relationship the deeper the wound and the more the hurt can be from the wounding.
If it comes from a stranger, we might not take it too seriously but it can still hurt and linger on if we took it personally.
When it comes from a friend it can cut even deeper still because they know us better and we allow ourselves to become more vulnerable around them as we get to know each other more.
When it comes from a family member, the wound can become a long standing issue and continue to be painfully poked whenever we cross paths with them again.
Worst yet is if that person who wounds us is our spouse.
No matter which situation the wound occurs in, it is our responsibility to own whatever part of it is ours even if it is only 10%. That part we should apologize for as soon as possible. We need to forgive that person who wounded us for not being a loving person to us. We need to understand that they are falling short of being a mature person and forgive them for their short coming that wounded us. This process of forgiving them is only for you to find peace and healing from the wound. If you need more information on how to do this correctly please see the Resources page on this website.
Now the important thing to remember is that even thought we forgive them, it doesn’t let them off the hook for their bad behavior. They wounded you by violating your vulnerability to them. In order for you to go forward, you need to pull back to a safe place and protect yourself from them. You don’t need to pull back from everyone in your life – just the one that wounded you.
If you want that person to continue to be a person in your life and they want to do that too, then you need to understand that it is that wounding person’s responsibility to prove to you that they can become a safe person again. You also need to explain to that person that the relationship has changed and they have broken your trust. For them to begin rebuilding your trust they will have to prove to you over time and many situations that they have learned how to behave correctly and safely. That only occurs slowly in a step by step process. Take the first step of forgiving them and begin to hold them accountable for their shortfall.
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