My dad’s father was an alcoholic and compulsive gambler. He left when my dad, the oldest of four children, was in the sixth grade. That puts him around 11 years old when his father disserted him. To support his family he dropped out of school and went to work in a saw mill driving a team of horses pulling the cut logs to the mill.
Not having a father to guide him as he grew left him short on how to become a man, husband, and especially a father. He learned to provide for a family and be the head man around the house with whatever coping skills a young boy could muster by age 11. My dad and I always seemed to have contentious issues between us. He ruled with the management skills developed by an 11 year old to do the best he could as a father. As a result, my example of a father also lacked the correct guidance and model for being a dad.
Fortunately, once I became a Christian, my heavenly father took me aside and personally began teaching over time how to be a better dad for my daughter. Not that I haven’t failed her in a number of ways over the years, I have attempted to change my ways and distortions of a what a father should be over the years and continue to do so even now.
There are a few scriptures that can help give us some recommendations to help us live appropriately as fathers. For example, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) “Fathers,do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
It is easy for a man to be hard on his children because he is battling to provide for his family in the workplace and men tend to place pressure on themselves to perform well. That can easily role over onto the children and wife at home. So we need to be encouraging, gentle, and loving while we teach biblical Christian life lessons and values to our kids by sharing scripture examples with them. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
In the original Mosaic Law, God specifically gives guidelines on how to live and train your children in time proven values. “5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)
In our experience working with individuals and couples in our coaching business, we have seen over and over again how important it is for the father to live out through example, love, and teaching how to be a man, husband and father. Clients come in and tell hurtful stories of wounds from their mothers and fathers. Yet they struggle to realize how important it is for them to live by example and not just merely saying words and then doing something else. Children learn from their parents by observing and grow up believing that is the way they should live too.
The scriptures encourage dads to step up to the challenge and live a disciplined life. “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” (Titus 2:6-8) Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12) Be aware of the example you are setting for your children.
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