Listening

Talking without listening can lead to arguments. When there is something that you need to discuss with your spouse requesting a time for listening, rather a time to talk sets up a completely different atmosphere. We need to hear and affirm each other’s opinions first before we start to solve or fix the problem.
“If speaking is silver, then listening is gold” is a Turkish Proverb. While you are listening to what your spouse is saying your goal is to search for understanding about what is going on with your spouse and not to defend yourself. It is critical to actually hear what the person is saying and not let your mind begin thinking about what you want to say before they finish talking. If you wander in your thinking, you may miss a critical piece of information. You do not have to agree with what is being said, you only need to make sure you understand their position or perspective.
Here are some ways to show your spouse you are listening and are focused on them:
• Eye contact – shows you are interested in what your partner has to say and they have your attention.
• Posture – you should be relaxed and leaning towards your spouse.
• Gestures – gestures can be distracting and can send wrong messages. If you keep glancing at your watch or fidgeting, it may be interpreted that you are uninterested. Try to keep still with your attention on the person speaking.
• Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have understood their message.
Assess your listening habits this weekend and see if there is need for improvement.